Make A Wish

Dear it's 11:11, make a wish.

I wish for a miracle.

Everyday, every night or every morning, I would make the same wish. I hate my life. Everything about it, nothing ever works out the way I want it to. Nothing's every perfect for me. Nothing.

My family is always the same. Yelling, arguing, "discussions", it's always the same. People tell me I have it all made out for me. But they don't know. They don't understand, not even you. I thought that once we moved out from the Place, everything would finally work out. I was wrong. It wasn't always because we were at the Place problems won't ever die. Sure, being at the Place wasn't easy, sure it didn't make things better- but it didn't make the problems get out of hand. I am still not at home, I still have no place I can call home. I live in a house, not a home. There is no "home sweet home".

My friends have deserted me. I, who once had friends by her side is now alone. I bet she's laughing. I bet she's having fun. I bet her life is great. She told me life has been bad since we weren't friends. She told me she regrets our broken friendship. I fell for it. She told me she still cares about me like all my other friends. I believed her. Now she has stabbed me in the back. Now all my friends had left me. Now I am alone.

Now, dear this one is for you. Do you know how much I love you? I sit by my phone waiting for your call. I bring my cellphone with me to the showers. I leave my cellphone next to my pillow at night. My heart beats when I hear your name. I go crazy when you pop up in my mind. I care about you more than I do for anyone, including myself. Everyone tells me you're just bad news and that I should have left you. They tell me you're no good for me and that I can do better. I couldn't get myself to do it. Do you know how confused I was? I gave you a month to prove everyone wrong, including me. But dear, do you know your month is almost up? You showed me that you can change in the first week. You proved to me that I do mean something. You gave me more than I had gotten from you in 2 years. But dear, what happened? Time is almost up. You gave me so much hope. I was once again falling for you harder than I ever had. But falling does have a negative meaning too, doesn't it? Because now I am falling, I am breaking apart. You're going back. You, yourself, is falling behind. You're slowly changing back to your old self. I can't take it anymore. I feel like even if the month is up and you didn't get your 5 strikes, I should leave. I should just break my promise to you. I should just end everything. You broke many promises with me, so why should I keep mines? I don't know... Dear, can't you tell I'm hurt and lost?

Someone help me. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up before I fall. Before I break. Please. Give me a sign, an angel. I don't know anymore. Just please. I wish for a miracle.