Never-Ending Issue

A hole in the heart. A pain that never fails to come back. And always followed by the same question that every other being ask, why me? Why me, why not her, why not him? Why not them, why must it be me? And nevertheless comes the self-centered and the-world-evolves-around-me thoughts. It's not as if I want much. It's not that I want everything. Maybe just a little more attention, or, I just want that game, nothing else. Is that just oh-so wrong? Even as bad as it may be, just sometimes, this hole breaks open-no matter how much it was mended-it just leaks out some of the pain and these horrible thoughts.

With every problem or issue, there is always a solution. I could just tell you all I want and end it all , or perhaps even tell you that I want some attention and work it out from there on. As good as that may sound, I am a girl and that may seem a bit bratty and desperate for my own comfort; and that is the last thing I ever want to do. But since your constantly away or busy or focused on other things, and that I don't want to be the one to ask or to tell you what peeves me, nothing is being solved.

Just sometimes

Sometimes. Just once in a while. Not all the time. It's not as if I wish I was dead, or anything of that such. But just that I have a rare, one of a kind disease. I wish I had a disease that would make me die in any moments time. A disease that would cause me pain and suffering, a disease that would be my excuse when tears roll down my face. A disease that will not just cause me agony but would instead be my distraction from the endless pain that life itself has cause me.

Yes, just sometimes. Sometimes I wish I would have merely three months to live. Just sometimes, I wish my life was heading its end. That way I would be able to let all the tears just flow out, so I won't have to deal with the annoyance that certain beings have given me. So I can go up to them and just tell them, Do as you please, because where I am going, you will not be able to follow, and simply just laugh as I walk away.

Just sometimes, only sometimes, I can't stop to wish I was infected by a disease, or be on end of the rope.

The Green Monster

I am hopeless. I am doubtful. I am angry. I am confused. I am disappointed. But before I know it, I am slowly eaten away by the green little monster.

As wrong as it seems, I can't seem to get over this insecurity. Maybe its just me, maybe. Maybe the pain of seeing you interested on other things is just a bit too overwhelming for me. Maybe it's the distance you've kept from me that's giving me the illusion of being further away than what I really am. Or maybe it's just the female hormones kicking in again. Just maybe... But whatever the reason may be, this doesn't keep the little green monster from being filled with envy for the ones you have time for and the ones you rather spend time on.

One way or another, this green monster continues to eat me away till I'm no more. As I try to diffuse the explosion, I slowly become a bit more distant from you. I run to my one-way-trip-getaway towards my other love addiction. The green monster slows down and begins to break down, a little at a time as I take in the addiction. In a moments of time, the green monster cease to existence, as I slowly fall down to the aftermath.